I am still in denial, yet I am seeing it unfold in right in front of me.The strength my mother has always had is amazing and day by day she is losing it all. Her skin is so dry, I put lotion on it but nothing helps. My sister and I washed her hair. Urge her to eat but she can barely drink. She is scared, we can tell an that hurts the most. I wish I knew all the answers so I can tell my mom not to worry dad is on their bench in heaven waiting but I don't so I say nothing. I do not know the right things to say and maybe I will regret it later on that I never said them. I don't tell her I am looking at her to see is she is jaundice, or let her know I notice that she is becoming thinner and thinner.
I was never an over the top helpful girl, pretty much just lazy, and I was never affectionate. It feels weird to jump into it. Maybe I have sensory issues, maybe I am just screwed up emotionally but I am giving whatever love, affectionate, attention, hospitality and everything else I can to my mom and its a little too late. It sucks realizing things when you can't do anything to change it.
It is true in the end that the hearing is the last to go. I hope she hears my father calling for her. I hope they wait for me and our family so we can spend eternity together. (I always wondered how that worked, I am sure they want to be with their parents and their parents want to be with their own and so on- how does it work? I am hopeful for the afterlife to make more sense than life on earth.)
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