When my father passed away I definitely wasn't as there for him or my mother as I should have been and I regret that. I was drinking excessively to cope or numb my feelings and working in a hostile work environment I missed out on a week of spending time with my dad in the hospital. I only had another week with him before he passed away. What really sucks is that we were all hopeful until the end. The doctors were trying a new and experimental type of treatment. What I do not understand is how they gave him radiation when he was so weak. I believe he had cachexia, was it necessary for them to poke him until the end? I am thankful for the nurses, they were great to him, he look forward to seeing them and so did we.
Now as my mom is having hospice at home, I am not leaving her side, not only because I promised my father before he took his last breath but because my mom is the sweetest, most honest person I know. The time so far is deceiving me, I sometimes forget what what come even though there is this constant feeling that has taken over me letting me know without actually saying it. I gave her a foot massage and painted her toenails, I know she has severe nerve pain from the chemo so I am not sure if she actually enjoys it or not and she is so sweet she probably wouldn't say anything to me just so I could have the feeling that what I am doing makes her feel good.
Why does this have to hurt so bad?
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