When we die...

It's been 8 days and some hours since my mother passed away from stage IV metastatic breast cancer. Each morning, just for the first 30 seconds I forget that she is gone. Everyone says, she is in heaven with your father and I just think to myself, the priest says she is sleeping until G-d awakens her to enter heaven. I was never too religious, I went to church every sunday and on holidays as a child and even attended religious instructions classes and I do not recall having learned that. Was it my mild autistic ways that prevented the soaking of this information into my brain? I always thought, you follow the commandments and you go to heaven. Learning this caused me to re-evaluate my religion choice. I believe that we go on, our energy and/or soul moves into the universe, there is a higher power/being. The answers are somewhere in the universe.

Another thing that has always bothered me was the chanting, "we believe in one g-d, the father almighty......" It never set quite well with me. It felt cult-ish. After my father got sick, we did continue to go to church but he began reading Zecharia Sitchin's  books and others of the sort. I always felt he questioned things too. When my mother got sick, I was 20, partying and doing my own thing I could have been there for her more. Dad and her go through it together, they supported and leaned on each other. He always used to tell her that she didn't understand what he was going through and now she did. So if I question or doubt G-d I will not be allowed in his kingdom?

Life is hard, not knowing what happens when we die sucks and what is worse is that in our lifetime there is only 2 things we all pretty much have to do:

1. Pay Taxes
2. Die

So make moment count. It's not always about material items, make memories.