I don't want to lose my best friend, my mother to cancer!

Tonight my mother told me that her cancer has attacked the liver again. She feels it has enlarged. She was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 2003. I'm pretty sad right now. Is it my fault for worrying her too much. What will I do without my best friend, my mother. I'm not ready for her to go. She tries to convince me that she has lived a long life and accomplished much. I say she has mch more to go.

Its not in our hands, the chemo can only work for so long as it affects her quality of life. I want to scream right now, I cannot understand why. 2 years ago on may 4th my father left for the hospital and never came back. He was a 22 year prostate cancer survivor, they only gave him 6 months and he lived 22 years! The cancer spread to his other organs and the outer layer of the brain. There was nothing that could be done. I was with him when he took his last breath.

Days before he passed, on a Friday, my mom, sister and aunt were with him in the room.  He surprisingly took the pen from the tray and wrote on a styrofoam plate: "thank you for being here with me. I love you all" he then had a seizure. I had never seen anyone having one before and I thought he was dying. On Sunday at around 3pm he went home to the angels.

I don't want to lose my mom to cancer. She is so strong for living with her pain, cancer pain is really bad. The strength she has for living and dealing with the fact that cancer will kill her. She saw the process my father went through and I know she is scared but she tried to be strong. She is already telling me how she wants her funeral.

I need to be strong for her. She lives in NY and I live in NJ so I will stay with her. I'm married with no children and my husband will understand. She might say no about it because she loves her privacy.

Please pray, sometimes prayer helps, I tell myself but I've lost my faith since my father passed.